Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Love day

I had a very good Valentine's Day this year. But, who wouldn't with a cute boyfriend like mine :) We both took turns having a "night". Friday was his and he took me to Chili's and to see Dear John. Then Saturday was my night and I made him dinner and brownies for dessert (which he ate the whole pan in one day). I was pretty proud of myself. Pretty small and simple, but that's what makes it so great :) Jamie makes me so happy and I'm so grateful I have him in my life.

these are some the brownies I made (the only ones I decorated)


These are my presents from Jamie. I wanted some shoes so we went together and I of course picked them out and he bought them for me. The monkey he surprised me with.


These are the awesome socks mommy got me :)


This is the build-a-bear I made for Jamie


I think he liked him :)

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

pictures

just a few more pictures from seeing Riley last week

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

I'm in love.

I am so in love with this little boy.





I can't imagine it being any different if he were mine to raise. I think the love a birthmom and a mom have is the same. Just because I couldn't imagine my love for Riley being any stronger. But I guess before I had him, I never could've understood how strong this love would be either. I guess I'll find out when I have my own kids one day.

When I see him and he runs to me and gives me the best hugs, cuddles, and kisses I could ask for, I feel like my heart is complete. When I walk out the door to leave, I feel like I'm leaving a piece of my heart behind. Despite that hole gradually getting smaller, it is constantly there when I'm not with him. I can't describe the joy I feel during that time that I am with him. Getting to see him, touch him, play with him... are all things I cherish and count my blessings for. Seeing his smile, hearing him talk, and just watching him brings me happiness I never knew existed. I could stare at that kid all day long and never get bored. The amazing blessing of having a baby is truly a miracle. Adoption is truly a miracle. I'm so grateful for the impact it's made on my life and others' lives.


Monday, February 8, 2010

future all-star

I went and saw Riley today. I will post more and pictures later, but just wanted to get these videos up quick. He's a born baller :) So freaking cute!



Sunday, February 7, 2010

walmart cat lady

So, James and I were shopping at wally world the other day, and I had him grab this bag of kitty litter for me.



As we start to walk away this lady in her 50/60s comes up and asks me if this is the kitty litter I always use. I was a little taken back and confused as to why she was asking me about my kitty litter preferences, but I said yes. She then continues to ramble for at least 5 minutes (no joke) about this amazing kitty litter that I just had to try. She explained to me how it made little pee balls instead of the pee sinking to the bottom of the litter. And yes, she said pee balls. Several times actually. She told us how she had 3 cats and how she swore by this litter. She then offered to buy it for us. I laughed and said that wouldn't be necessary. It was only about 5 bucks more than the one I normally get. So I had James put mine back and grab this one, and that was that. We both tried very hard not to life cuz she was just so serious and adamant about it. It was very funny. Well, now let me be that cat lady... SHE WAS RIGHT!!!!! It's amazing!! The first time I cleaned out the litter it was so nice. And you never have to change the litter. You just have to clean it out and add more as it gets low. It is so nice and I will never use anything else ever again. It makes it much easier. So, if you have cats, I highly recommend it :)




and these 2 are happy :)

Thursday, February 4, 2010

finally.

Finally today, after 8 days of serious pain and sickness, I am feeling much better. I am not well by any means. But I didn't make it to classes on Tuesday cuz I just couldn't, and I am here today. I still can't hear out of my infected ear which is starting to slowly worry me. The Dr. said it is obviously normal, but if it keeps up after my meds are gone than I need to get it checked out. It's amazing what an effect it makes. I'm having a really hard time hearing my teachers lecture. I'm talking a lot softer. And I have a constant headache from the pain, and the straining to hear. It pretty much sucks. But, at least I'm up and moving.

School update: As of right now I have an "A" in all my classes except Biology. Which I shouldn't really complain about... but I'm going to. So, the only grades we get in Biology are our tests. We have no homework, no quizzes, no other assignments or anything. Purely tests. So, my first one happened to be yesterday. I had this plan of how I was gonna study this weekend and be so prepared... yea, that didn't happen. This stupid ear infection pretty much made it so I got nothing done this last week. So, I didn't study very well, and I had to take this test feeling the way I do which absolutely sucked. I got a B+ which again, I shouldn't be too upset about. But I am. I like "A"s. I'm very proud of myself with math though. I really like my teacher which makes it a lot easier for me. Plus, I understand a lot more than I did in high school probably due to the fact that I actually care this time around. I got a 95% on my first test, and 100 on both quizzes we've had so far. I have my second test tonight which I actually missed Tuesday, but my teacher is so nice and is letting me take it tonight instead. I feel very ready for it and am just excited that I'm doing so well. Granted, it's about to get much harder... but I'll be happy for now :)

Don't have too much else to report on in life right now. This past week I obviously didn't do anything. I'm seriously missing the cutest 20 month old in the world. It's been over a month since I've seen him, which I think is actually the longest I've ever gone without seeing him. It sucks, but it's part of my way of healing. Sometimes I want to see him everyday, and then there will be times where I need a few weeks apart. Adoption is hard. I say adoption and not placing, because I know that adoption truly is hard for both sides. Scratch that - for ALL sides. There will forever be a gap in my heart from losing my baby, but it gets smaller all the time. I know it will continue to get smaller, especially when I start having my own children, but I know that it will never be completely gone. I'm actually texting Lori as I type this and just made plans to go see him next week. She said he's changed so much I won't even recognize him. I wish I was there for those changes. I also wish I would've kept a better journal through my pregnancy and the whole adoption process. I read my friend's blog who placed and am so jealous of all the details she has written down. It makes me really sad I don't have the details like that. I also wish I did a better job of writing my feelings down now. Just for myself. Lots of people seem to think that I'm recovered or whatever, that it's not that hard anymore... oh boy is it. I feel I do a very good job of hiding it to the world. If only people really knew what went on inside my head and heart on a daily basis. Every time I allow myself to think about it too much I end up hysterical. Which is one of the reasons I try not to. I wish I would write these feelings out more. I love that kid more than anything in this world. He is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Only those who have had a child can understand these feelings. And only those who have placed their baby can understand the pain that comes with it. I feel better already. I really need to write more.

Anywho, sorry for that little rant. Time to head to Biology :)